Making everyone hold hands, trying to get them to believe my master plan
Everything made sense once my mania began
I had the meaning of the universe in the palms of my hand
Yet, when no one understood my absurd thoughts
I tried to explain, but it was my ideas I fought
Writing down everything, I scribbled away
With streams of theories and concepts, I had so much to say
Yet when I told other people, they didn’t understand
I was confused and delusional in an unknown land
Waiting for my loved ones to call, I sat by the phone
More than anything I just wanted to go home
Inside the ward, I’ve never felt so alone
Yelling and screaming I fought with the nurse
“Let me leave, let me go” was my constant verse
With the side effects of the medicine, I was dying of thirst
And that wasn’t the only side effect I felt
Starving, I overate and had to loosen my belt
Combating the medicine, my body put up a fight
Not sleeping was my constant plight
Up late and colouring in the middle of the night
Unfortunately a good night’s rest was far out of reach
More than anything I just wanted to sleep, I lay in my bed at night counting sheep
And consequences on my body were steep, blood shot eyes and a racing heartbeat
Not able to be alone with my thoughts
I talked with the night shift, their company I sought
As I sat chatting away, they got really annoyed
Trying to get me to go to bed, they tried every ploy
“Sit down! Go to your room! Be quiet!” they would say
It never worked to their dismay
I was manic, unhinged, jittery and agitated
After two weeks the symptoms hadn’t faded
The doctor wanted to send me to a long term facility
But my parents fought this with the best of their ability
With the help of a lawyer I was finally sent home
My family took care of me, I was no longer alone
It took three months to finally come down
But with the help of drugs and counselling, stability I found
Yet, frequently the memories unbound
They are trapped in my brain, where they will remain
Too many memories, too many to tame

Jane-Marie Fatkin

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